Incorporating football in to my busy schedule

Apologies for the lack of blogs recently but I've been following the football because it's pretty cool atm.

Even though my beloved England are no longer in the World cup I thought I would post a blog about how one should conduct themselves in a football loving crowd.

1. Dress code - A lot of people wear football strips to football matches/the pub when a match is on. Despite this I would recomend wearing: Skinny jeans, pointy shoes & Fred Perry shirt. A winning combination.
2. Knowing who to support - This is often dependant upon where you are. I reccomend trying to stand out by supporting a different team to the majority. For instance throughout the World Cup I've supported The Blues, The Greens, The Reds, amongst others. (Using colours saves time that would otherwise be spent remembering names of teams)
3. Shouting the right things - If like me you go to the pub once every few months, you may be accustomed to people shouting things during football games. I've never really grasped the concept of what they're saying, so rather than try I just shout "FOOTBALL!" in any given situation. 

Half time is a very valuable part of any football game. I typically spend them practising my chat up lines on men (so I can see how they go down before I try them on women) and talking about my blog to various football fans.

In one half time recently I wrote a poem entitled "Oh, I'm unhappy":



Sitting on the train back up north (love it)
thinkin of morrissey and palestine ( :/ )
all i wanna do is go to the seaside just like the kooks do
man i miss you

take me to the hare and hounds and 42s
oh please take me !
because i want the one i cant have and its driving me mad !
man i miss that place

but i know all i do is go home, listen to morrissey, smoke a cigg and drinks some heavy coffe
because im cool like that...
or am i :/








I got a bit to into it and ended up missing the second half of the match and crying a little bit in the pub.

Anyway, I have to go and take down all the England flags from the front of my house. I have a huge one hanging from my bedroom window that I plan to replace with a 12 foot canvas of this:

It's going to cost a modest £489, a sound investment.

Regards,

J P

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My last day of college

I've been working up the courage to commit my thoughts on the last day of college to a blog for some time.

Last time I got this emotional I ended up missing the rest of the kings of leon concert. Not ILL.

Anyway, as Indie wasn't at stake this time I played my Meat is Murder Vinyl and got writing. (Note. Vinyls are way cooler than CD's/MP3's, despite being physically much bigger, having a smaller capacity, costing more money, having worse sound quality, being none portable, having no easy method of communicating with modern formats, requiring otherwise obsolete hardware & being harder to purchase etc etc.)

Many photo's were taken, a lot of which I'm in. If you're familiar with my blog "How I stay cool despite having a few problems with my life" you'll know that it's important to show off photo's of yourself as much as possible. With that in mind:

Me and the gang

The girls

I was front man in glee club, seen here dancing to "I bet that you look good on the dancefloor"

End of year basketball thing

                                    

In case you can't see me I've zoomed in here:

These were just some of the best photo's, I've got an album of maybe 20+ photo's that either feature me or I was somewhere in the room when they were being taken. This brings my facebook total up to 43 photo's of me.

Emotions were running high on the last day and I, as always, couldn't help a few tears. I was grateful that everyone carried on as if nothing happened, so as not to make a scene. They're true friends.

I was pretty down at the end of the day so listened to the cure all the way home and did a bit of interpretive dance on the bus. I was feeling better when I got home but to really get my spirits up I watched this 3 or 4 times:



After this I was buzzing and ready to party hard. I watched "Control" & "24 hour party people" whilst making notes on how to dress.




I hope this blog conveys how much I will miss all of my friend at college. I'm going to concentrate on getting my job as a dancer sorted now so that I have some income over Summer. Check back for my blog on what I plan to do now and to hear about my life plan.

Kind regards,

Priceburg

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Why there hasn't been a blog for a few days

Hello friends,



Firstly, you have my apologies. I am well aware that there hasn't been a blog for a few days and I have been inundated with requests for a new one.


There are many reasons behind this. Firstly, I've been dancing a lot recently, which tires me out LOADS. Also, I've been busy applying for jobs.


As dancing is my fortè, I thought I would focus on tying to become a professional dancer. I found a great website called gumtree and got applying. Here was the first ad that caught my eye:

"EXOTIC DANCERS WANTED FOR WORK 

IN A SHEFFIELD CITY CENTER GENTLEMANDS 

CLUB.

CALL KEV ON 0********** FOR MORE INFO"

I'm a complete gentlemand so of course I applied with this:

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Reply to your ad: EXOTIC DANCERS
WANTED FOR WORK IN SHEFFIELD

I'm a pretty good dancer. Have professional
experience in dancing to :
-the kooks
-joy division
-the smiths
-the arctic monkeys
-happy mondays
and many more
People are always looking at me in clubs. Have a
few dance moves I've invented so no one else will even know.
Would like to develop experience further if you have a 
position available.
Look forward to hearing from you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: n***.randle@**************

could you call kev on 078********** 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

To: n***.randle@**************

Hi Randle,

My phone isn't operational atm, the battery cover is
made of selotape and it's being a little temperamental.

Could you forward on to Kev to discuss via email ?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: n***.randle@**************

kev******@*********l.com, send him an
email and i'll forward this on aswell



--------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm still waiting to hear from Kev but I'm sure he'll be in touch

As I was on gumtree anyway I thought I would see what indie stuff I could find. I'd been considering finding a wingman for my clubbing for a while, when I stumbled upon an ad for an indie club mate. As you can imagine I immediately got in touch:

Hello!

  I am too an indieboy and for sometime I have been

looking for a clubmate.  I'm English (hearted, Irish

blooded lol), a pretty good talker, bit of a  ladies

man and a wicked dancer.  In a clubmate I'm looking for :      

- good dance moves (original please, last

clubmate was always stealing my moves)  

- some good conversation ideas  

- taste in all things indie  

- potentially a fellow blogger  

- pointy shoes.  

If you fit this description please get in

touch and we'll hit some clubs! 

 Joe

I then received the following response:

Hey Joe - 

 Okay, sounds fine! Pointy shoes? They tend

to be round most of the time... though black.

And trust me, my dance moves are highly

original! Do have own writings about indie

stuff at different places on the web.. Though

no real blogging at this point. I tend to have

a keen eye on this: http://www.leedsgigs.co.uk/ 

Be it Oporto, Northern Monkey, Angel share,

you tend to have great gig nights for very lil.

And there are plenty of dance nights around

as well (Wire and such). So I'll try to find

some inspiration &; if you have any

suggestions let me know! 

 Cheers #

My response:

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your timely response.

You sound like an okay guy. I'm a little 

disappointed about the lack of pointy shoes,

we may have to discuss this if we get serious.

Regarding the blogging issue you may

want to check out my posts on how to get

ready for a really good night out, here.

I will be in touch if you've made the shortlist.

I think I'll leave it a week then get in touch, as I always say, treat em mean, keep them cool.

If any one reading this wishes to apply to be an indie clubmate or give me a job as a dancer email me on:

priceysplace@gmail.com

I thank you for reading about my endeavour in to gumtree. Check back for updates, particularly from Kev, I really want this job as a dancer.

Yours,

JP

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Nokia N95 Review

Good day readers.

Thank you for coming back to read my review of my new Nokia N95.

I'm compelled to write a review of this phone as i have become very accustomed to using it. I can often be seen on my mobile phone:

• Calling the ladies
• Discussing new marketing statergies for my blog with my friend
• Being called by the ladies
• Calling The Friendship Group to arrange an activity 
• Discussing current indie issues in telephone chat rooms ( There are no chat rooms for discussing indie, so I often have to join dating chat rooms and try and turn the conversation towards indie)

etc etc.

I bought my N95 not long ago from the popular auction website ebay. I paid a cool £165 for it, saving £135 compared to buying a £300 TV instead of a phone.

Features:

The N95 has some great features. It has built in GPS software which i find really useful. I don't drive but I like to have someone to tell me which way I should walk. This saves me a lot of time when I'm in one topman and need to get to an alternate store to find which has the tightest jeans (for me to buy and subsequently wear).

It is a very multimedia capable phone. I have all of the smiths' albums on it as well as 300+ photos of Morrisey and Ian Curtis. This means that in any situation I can have a bit of an indie sesh. I find this can be great for when I need to chill in an emergency.
It can also record video, here's an example 

It also has good internet connectivity. This makes it ideal for keeping people updated with my twitter, you can find it here. I find twitter really useful for when I have a moment of genius that needs to be shared with the World.Recent tweets include:

• MESSY NIGHT . Motorways rule for being quick. P .
• last day of college, pretty emotional time for me. Might write a blog about it to avoid bottling up my feelings again.

One feature that I don't personally appreciate is the selotape battery cover. I understand it is important to make phones small and light but I think the benefits of a battery cover made from plastic are notable. This feature means to remove the battery one has to have more selotape to hand. It also means that the user can get mild electric shocks from time to time.

Further to this I have also found that I have received some much better phone calls with different phones. With my old 3210 I got a phone call once telling me I'd won a poetry competition for my sonnet about the kooks, however with this phone, no such calls. Some people may say you can't blame the phone for the calls that you receive on it, but I would just like to see Nokia think about how they might be able to get some nicer calls going to their phones.

In conclusion, the Nokia N95 does have some flaws, however these are greatly outweighed by a wealth of features that are essential accessories to any man about town (like me). 

Overall I give this phone 7 out of 10 P's!

Stay tuned in future for more reviews and come back soon to read "My thoughts on the last day of college and where my life is going."

Don't forget to join my facebook group 

The Priceminister

A brief history of some of my antics

Friends, forgive me. I have once again had a change of heart about the topic of my next blog.

Please direct your attention to the title, which I believe will inform you of the topic of this post. I think this post will be a milestone in my internet journalism career. I have blogged several times giving advice on how to make oneself cooler. I think with the  support  of some personal anecdotes we can make a lot of progress. Before continuing, here is the dictionary definition of "antics":

noun

Usually, antics.

1. a playful trick or prank; caper.

2. a grotesque, fantastic, or ludicrous gesture, act, or posture.

Anyone who knows me will be aware that I have an antic at least once a week, and most of these are pretty good. Very occasionally though I'll have/do an antic that is worthy of making the history books.

What follows is a list of such recent antics:

1. Pole dancing on a lamp post

This happened on a recent night out with The Friendship Group (my group of closest friends hereafter referred to as The FG). One of The FG dared me to pole dance on a lamp post and I obliged for 2 reasons. Firstly, there are some complex rules within The FG concerning dares and I didn't want to breach any of them. Secondly, I'd already had at least 2 coronas so was up for anything. 

To this day I don't know who the other person in this photo is. I had been dancing for 2 minutes or so and he just came over. It has been suggested that my moves were working in a similar way to a magnet (except attracting that guy instead of metal). I carried on dancing for maybe another 3 minutes and then went home because the apprentice was on.

This antic got some pretty good reviews and gained me quite a bit of street cred with The Friendship Group.

Please note that the stranger didn't have a blurry face, I used my photoshop skills to protect his identity (this blog is read by a lot of people and I don't want any copyright claims etc etc.)





2. Making this face when I was getting my blue WKD

This was quite a recent antic and recieved many lols.

I had just gone to the bar to get my second blue WKD and thought it was prime opportunity for an antic. I bit the bullet and went for the face you can see on the photo. This photo wasn't actually taken at the time of the antic. No one had there camera ready  so once I had done it once I told someone to be ready to take a photo and did it again. The timing was off a few times and on one the flash didn't work, so this is actually the 6th photo we took.

I thought it was a pretty good photo so sent it to a graphic designer. For a small fee they made me these which I now have blu tacced on my wall:

This one wasn't photoshopped and is real:

A prime example of me enticing the ladies, see blog.

This brings me to the end of this post, although I will revisit this topic at a later date. Come back soon to read my review of my Nokia N95 mobile phone.

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Yours, Priceless

My definitive guide to enticing the ladies

My friend often says to me, "Wow Vanilla P, did you see how those ladies just looked at you ?"

"Yes", I often reply.

This is no accident or series of awesome coincidences, in fact everything I do is done in an attempt to constantly entice the ladies.

I'm going to share some of my steps on how to do so within this blog. I'm only going to  talk about the ones that amateurs could pull off as I'm aware I could be liable if injuries occur during trying out some more complex manoeuvres.

Step 1 - Dress really cool.

Some people undervalue this step entirely and dress normally, or just cool. The trick is to dress really cool. I've mentioned on several accounts that indie is really cool atm so I suggest going down this route. I've picked out an ideal outfit here.

I would like to reiterate at this stage that pointy boots are really cool. There are some people who disagree but they're all wrong. The important thing is that you get the results and I often see guys in pointy boots hanging around with a whole group of girls, most of  the time he seems to be only guy there.

This attire is perfect for enticing the ladies. The fake Fred Perry T shirt (hereafter referred to as fake perry) is ideal for showing off my guns. Also at first glance it appears to be an expensive Fred Perry T shirt, suggesting I've got dollar.






For further info see my blog on how I stay cool despite having a few problems in my life.





Step 2 - Be in the right place to commence enticement.

Location is very important, even I struggle to entice the ladies in places such as:

• Toll booths
• Churches
• Driving test centres
• Burn wards
• The moors

The above places should be avoid at all costs where enticing ladies is concerned.

Instead I would recommend

• Mothers meetings
• Night clubs
• Book clubs
• Court
• School sports days

I have had high success at all of these places. With regards to the second suggestion you may want to consult my post on  preparing for a really good night out

Step 3 - Conversation

I've found that the ladies love to talk. Often I'll talk to a girl for up to 8 - 9 minutes. Don't worry, I know what you're thinking, "That's madness", "I only have 4 minutes of material" etc etc.

Worry no more. Here's concise bullet pointed list of ideal lady enticing convo.:

• I like your denim jacket ( an ideal opener. V. convenient as 80-90 % of girls wear denim jackets all the time)
• I love the kooks, don't you ? 
• What's your name ?
• Cool. my name is Vanilla Price (interchange your name here, chicks dig nicknames)
• *Discuss the kooks some more*

At this point it's best to end the conversation and leave them wanting more. Most people say bye or seeya or something to that effect, I prefer just to start dancing and ignore what they say until they leave, this really gives them a sense that I've got better things to do.

Now I know what you're thinking "Wow Big P, that's great! But I can't have pricey's place with me all the time!". Well firstly you're wrong , you can view my blog on a smart phone. But for those of you that don't have a smart phone (lolol) I've made these handy print outs:

If all else fails try the emergency line:

I've hit a 37% success rate with this line and it often leads to touching for an extended period of time

Now I still know what you're thinking, "Wow, thanks P Dizzle, but won't it look unusual if I keep looking at cards?" - Cease worrying friends, I've got you covered. Simply glue this to the back of the cards:

You won't look weird now as quite a lot of people are bound to have these.

It's a little known fact that Pricey's Place ID cards were once planned to be a national scheme, it got to a test phase in Greater Manchester but the change of government stopped it in its tracks. Swines.

That brings me to the end of the blog. Report any success stories to PriceyIPulled@hotmail.com .

Thank you for reading and make sure you join my facebook group and twitter.

Click Share to share my blog on facebook. I'd really appreciate it, I'm trying to make a name for myself in internet journalism.

Come back soon for a blog entitled "Why I don't like video games and hence think they should be discouraged more thoroughly, especially by parents with young children"

Yours,

JP

Why bullet points are important and often undervalued

Hello fans of me. Today I am going to regale you with what I think of the bullet point.

There are many a reason why bullet points are useful:

• They make you sound more intelligent
• They put things in neat lists
• They save time on using connectives like "and" and "also"

The list goes on :

• They save space, if you don't have much space
• They are a good substitute to numbered lists, when numbers aren't appropriate

That brings me to the end of my list.

I find that bullet points can be used in many situations, here are a few ideas:

• Exams, for instance, instead of writing in continuous prose as many mugs insist on doing, you can save both yours and your examiners time by listing all the facts you can remember in a bullet pointed list. Use caution though, it is frowned upon if you list all the facts you know. The majority of exams I have come across are categorised by subject.
• Official letters. Again rather than being a mug and writing letters/emails out in full paragraphs, save time by using bullet shaped points.
• Blogs, perfect example lollolol.
• Conversation (See example below)

Example bullet point conversation:

• Hello 
• Fine weather
• Nice shirt
• I love the kooks, don't you ?
• Farewell

I spend at least 3 -  5 minutes a day conversing with people. I can often cut this down to 1 - 2 minutes by talking to them as if I was using bullet point. That's a cool 1 - 4 minute saving that I spend:

• Blogging
• Practising dancing
• Watching old interviews of The Happy Mondays on youtube
• Thinking about the future
• Finding things on the internet to lol at

There are however some places where bullet point conversations aren't appropriate:

• Court cases
• Domestic arguments
• Debating boundaries of towns/villages ( v. important issue)
• When talking to government officials
• When blogging about why immigration is good but also in some respects not good (still to come)

That's all for now. Before I go make sure you have a look at my new merchandise below. Email me at PriceysFace@hotmail.com to place your orders.

Come back soon to read "My definitive guide on how to entice the ladies"

Regards, Price Krispie